Lest We Forget.

Today already feels solemn.

Remembrance Day is one of those days that, I think, a lot of students merely appreciate for the day off of school.

And, hey, what's not to love? Holiday on a Wednesday? Somehow the week is infinitely more tolerable.

Today, however, I'm thinking of my Gramps, whom I miss dearly, and all the amazing things he did and stood for and made happen. He saved a lot of lives.

So, to all of our Veterans, to all our armed forces, our reserve forces, and everyone who is overseas right now just trying to do what they need to do- you're in my heart.

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

— Lt.-Col. John McCrae (1872 - 1918)

Internet Famous

Hey guys, so APPARENTLY there is someone out there that reads this, other than my mom.

Actually, I don't think my mom even reads this, because she's not internet savvy and because she doesn't love me. THANKS, MOM.

But apparently someone at Soul Pancake stumbled across my here patch of the internet and wanted to ask me some questions about my Soul Pancake goal- and I totally missed out.

That'll teach me to never check comments.

Anyway, you can read about Soul Pancake In The Real World over here, where I am very casually mentioned and, perhaps for the first time ever on the internet, someone has linked to my blog.

This is momentous.

What it means is that I'm also suddenly aware that people might be watching. So, after a couple weeks of very little happening over here, I'm finally going to get my ducks in a cute little ducky row and get going on some challenges, as well as answering more questions. Three went up last night, and I'm a little terrified to re-read them as they were typed in a horrible exhausted stupor that apparently a pot of coffee and a hyper-sugary Caramel Brule Latte from Starbuckles couldn't fix.

Also stay tuned, as I have some thoughts in the works for getting some of my friends involved in this project, as well as another project I'll be launching soon with Chelsea Dee.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

March 13th, 2009: Life's Big Questions: What's One Tiny Change You Wanna Make Today?

Worry less? Care a little more?

When it comes down to it I'd just like to work on taking charge of my own happiness.

I tend to place my happiness in the hands of others a lot of the time, one of the best examples of which is a text I sent out this morning, asking for a friend to send me something silly, something stupid, something that would distract me from my stresses. Yes, I've figured out certain things that are the key to making myself happy, but a lot of the time it's easier to just wait for someone else to make me happy, so that I can wallow in my own self pity.

And, yes, my friends are amazing at delivering. There is nothing quite like getting text messages about massive crowds of Mormons hanging out at Arby's to make my day, and they darn well know it.

But at the same time, I'm pretty stressed out right now, and I'd really love to wake up tomorrow and start taking charge of my own joy.

I guess I'm still trying to impress those that hold my happiness.

Girl Talk

March 12, 2009: Life's Big Questions: Why Do We Spend So Much Time Talking About Other People?

My first impulse is to start this off with a rousing- Because it is So. Much. Fun. It's tempting to do. Because, hey, who doesn't love a little gossip in their lives? A little drama added to the day? I mean, there is a crazy popular TV show that I have been known to watch which is specifically about an online gossip column about High School/ University students.

I have been known to pick up gossip mags when I go through the cashier at my local Big Box, and I am more than happy to check celebrity websites daily. You will find no shame here. But, being a little more serious, I think what it comes down to is that talking about others is easier than talking about ourselves.

As a sidenote, I want to distinguish between two key forms of talking about other people- concern v. gossip. I'm not a gossip fan, at least when it comes to my friends. Celebrities are fair game- it's part of what they're getting paid a ridiculous amount of money for. But when it comes to my friends, if I'm talking about them, or about things they've disclosed to me, there is only one situation that's okay in my books- concern.

(To those who have confided in me: For the most part those are things I'll talk to my mum about. She doesn't know the vast majority of my friends, so even if I tell her things, she'll definitely forget the names, and will most likely forget the details, but she can still be a solid outlet for me to reflect and sort out my thoughts.)

As for gossip, though, when it happens, I honestly I think it's because it's a great way of deflecting attention from ourselves. Rather than having open dialogue about our own issues and problems, we're able to focus on other people, and successfully avoid looking within ourselves and admitting to our flaws, to our quirks, to those choices we've made that we're not so proud of.

Of course I end up talking to friends about other friends- if we're concerned about some life choices (I'm looking at you, R), it's bound to come up in conversation. I'm a worrier, so at times I need to reflect with others to make sure that my worries aren't entirely unfounded, or to put them in perspective. But there is a distinct difference (I hope) between that kind of talking about other people and talking about them in a cruel and judgemental fashion.

So, why do we gossip? Because it's easier. Why do I talk? Because I am a very concerned individual who often likes to work on helping solve other people's problems before dealing with my own.

Which, I guess, is still easier.

Oh, My God?

March 8th, 2009: Life's Big Questions: Why Is Talking About God So Dang Awkward?

A few weeks ago I had a lovely couple in my store, a little quiet, who, upon paying for their items, handed me a business card sized slip of paper offering me a free bible, a supposedly hip version of the new testament which would surely win me over to the side of God.

All I could wonder was- Do I really look that godless?

The thing is, I have no problem talking about God in my personal relationships, mostly because I like to push the boundaries of what people consider 'normal' and 'appropriate' topics of conversation, and partially because I can't help but think that if you can't talk about the really important things with the people who you're supposedly close to, then how close are you, really? But when someone that I hardly know, or someone whom I have never met brings up God, the conversation is sure to take an awkward turn.

On a very personal level, I find it offensive. In a lot of ways, I perceieve a deep judgement in the act. Obviously I must be unholy, unfit, unclean. I must be saved, brought back to a path of righteousness, I must be shown the One True Way, because, at the end of the day, I'm not smart enough to figure it out on my own.

I understand that in a few religious sects there is a Mission to Save, there is a duty to talk to people about faith, to share your God. I get it, but I don't respect it.

I believe in God. Or, at least, in some conception of A God, or Many Gods, or simply something bigger and more powerful than our individual human lives. Call it Evolution or Karma or simply Connection, call it by a name, or by many. However you choose to identify your God(s), though, I think we're all approaching something that can't really be communicated.

God, or whatever part of it we do or don't believe in, is a deeply personal relationship. No one can tell you how that connection feels, no one can fully understand your relationship with it. It is something that is deeply and entirely our own, and so I think when we try to vocalize or dictate our perception of God it comes off as something Finite, as something True, not because it is true for everyone, but because it is True for Us, as individuals. God is a truth that we can only know on an individual level, and when it comes down to it, it transcends language.

So, when strangers bring up The God Question, I can't really connect with them. They can let me know what they think their God is saying, what they feel the message is. But when it comes down to it, if it doesn't feel authentic to me, then it fails to be real to me.

It's awkward because, at the end of the day, we all conceptualize of God individually, independent of other people. We may go to the same place of worship, or believe in the same lack of worship, but as different people with different personalities and perspectives, we interact with God on fundamentally different levels. My version of God isn't the same as yours, and so your version seems entirely foreign to me. And being told that your version is somehow superior to mine, that God's interaction with you is more Correct than it's interaction with me, just seems to be a demeaning, condescending way of saying- I'm right, you're wrong; I'm big, you're little; I'm smart, you're dumb, and there's nothing you can do about it.

Crisp Winter Days

30 Seconds of Smell

So, Yeah.

Okay. So.... the last couple weeks have been a bit of a shit show, and after 9 days of ridiculous insomnia, and 2 nights of decent quality sleep, I'm ready to regain the blogging world. The thing is, I've actually been working on posts over the last few weeks, and planning out some attempts at the many amazing SP challenges, so I'll be spending the rest of the night setting those up to post over the next few days. A few might go up tomorrow, then the next day, and the day after that? Well, the day after that is SATURDAY and I'm taking weekends off of doing blog things.

Anyhoodle, stay tuned for some soon-to-come updates, and hopefully sometime next week I'll get rolling on my next big SP Challenge that I'm SO stoked to be working on this weekend.

Later days!

Thirteen

I have 422 things on my To Do list.

Be in 3 places at once.
Plant something at the top of a mountain.
Raise chickens.
Own a blowtorch.
Teach someone to read.

Dustin has 13. The first of which? To see his 18th birthday.

I started my list when I was 13. I had big dreams. I wanted to figure out how to get them. I figured the first step was to start by writing it all down, and then to see where it went. I want to see every continent, to go every place I possibly can.

He wants to make it one more year.

Chelsea directed me towards his twitter account a few days ago, and since then I've been trying to catch up on all his posting. The jist of it is, Dustin is 17 years old (and One month, 15 days). He has a rare heart disease, the same one his father passed away from a few years ago. Although he recieved a donor heart, it's not doing as well as it could be, and he's been equipped with a pacemaker. At this point, he's been given 8 months to live.

I want to say something amazing or beautiful or inspiring about him, but the thing is, he's just a kid who's been dealt the raw end of the stick, but still seems to find something to be hopeful about.

Today he arrived in Florida, and will be spending the forseeable future going through some pretty intense treatments and therapy. Here's hoping for some kickass results.

Enough is Enough, Love is Enough, Love is Love

March 8th, 2009: Life's Big Questions: Is love nothing more than a chemical reaction?

I'll start this with a bit of a forewarning: I'm the cynic of most groups. I'm really skeptical about emotion, tend to fall on the side of the hyper-rational, and have been known to use logical arguments to reason myself through some decently heart-wrenching situations. Life tends to be easier when you can compartmentalize your way through the hard times.

What this means is that I tend to think that the idea of romantic love is a little hokey. And in saying that, I can feel the burning eyes of the romantics in my life turning towards me in scorn. Yes, I've been in love. Yes, it was fool of googly eyes and butterflies and staring at each other all day because we loved each other sooooOOOoooOOooo much that we even overcame the barf reflex from all that lovey-dovey-ness.

Unfortunately, that kind of love isn't really what I think love ever even could be. I think it's easy to attribute love to the hyper-romantic version that, for some reason, seems to be idealized. And the endorphins that are set off when people become attracted to each other, during the phase of falling in love, are basically like one massive high, that tends to last about a year. So if you're talking the head-over-heels googly love, I think it's purely chemical. It's getting really jacked up on someone else and being entirely overwhelmed by the rush of chemicals swimming in your brain. That's real, but it's not real love.

I do think love exists, though. It has to. It's the kind of thing that's in every choice you make- choosing to care about someone above all others. Choosing to love someone not in spite of their flaws, but because of them. Choosing to stay with someone, day after day, even after that overwhelming euphoria has ended.

If love exists, it's the mundane-ness of daily life. Falling in love is just the chemical process you need to get to the place where you decide- is this someone you can spend your life (or at least some part of it) with, or isn't it?

Word to Your Mom (I Came to Drop Bombs)

March 12, 2009: Challenges: Word to your Wordle

Today's tackled SP challenge is to write out a manifesto, a mission statement, a goal, then to plunk it into Wordle and make something beautiful. Enjoy!